The Chart

Its not a new concept but all this week I have had discussions about the importance of support networks in medical school. Its not just recommended to have but many believe its a must because of the rigors of medical school. I am not going to pretend to know better than the upperclassmen, residents, and doctors who have repeatedly told me that I need to have a support network but I am going to explain why its unlikely that I will have one anytime soon.

I don’t want to say I have never had a support network. I think it would be more accurate if I said, I have never relied on a support network when I was in school or when I was working. I am sure people would allow me to open up to them if I wanted to but that involves a lot of trust and I don’t trust any one person with everything. That does not mean I do not open up to others. I will discuss academic issues with my classmates, and social issues with my friends, or work issues with my colleagues but there is no one person or group that I will share everything with. Even those I share something with, its never the complete story even on that subject. The reason is I feel support networks is a code phrase for “group that will listen to your complaints.”

I will complain from time to time but I detest complaining in front of others. It shows a lack of maturity and self-confidence. Some people may feel I am confusing complaining with venting but aren’t they really one in the same? Both consist of you explaining the problems that you have and why you feel its unfair, undoable, or just a challenge you feel you cannot overcome. I don’t know about you but I hate burdening people like that. Who is to say they really want to hear about your problems or are they just being nice and letting you use them as a soundboard? To me its unclear.

I am not condemning support networks, in fact, I think various people consider me part of their support network and I am more than happy to listen to whats going on and help restore some balance in their life. Here its clear that the support network (me) really cares because I know how I feel about being part of one but I can’t say I genuinely know or trust how someone else feels about being part of my or any support network. Sometimes friends can be kind to a fault. I believe too often people will envoke kindness at the expense of the truth so if I were to vent, I don’t know if they are listening because they know its cathartic for me or are they just being friendly but in actuality want me to be quiet or feel I am being a burden. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone and I don’t know anyone else who does either.

Another issue is how do you know what you can tell them and when it goes too far? When you complain, vent, etc., you do not go in with a set plan with what you want to share. Rather you just say whatever is on your mind without limitations. Isn’t it possible you could offend that person or who knows, maybe as a result of you sharing this information with them they may look at you differently? Possibly negatively? Why take that risk? I know I am very uneasy about taking that risk.

So what do you do? I honestly do not know. What has helped me is to keep a journal. I am not talking about an online journal or a blog, I am talking about the traditional, miniature notebook where you write down whatever is on your mind. I find that it has helped tremendously over the past few months. I am not going to argue that the stresses of medical school are not difficult to handle but I was able to handle my own issues before I got to medical school. A journal allows me to get out all those extra stressors of medical school and with those off my mind, I can go back to the level of stress before medical school. Is it ideal? No, but I think it helps make the stress more manageable. I won’t it will work all the time but I think it will help clear my head a bit and as the old saying goes, ‘every little bit counts.’ A journal will not give you feedback but it still can be useful in other ways.

Are support networks a good idea? Yes, but are they for everyone? No. For those of us who are hesitant to fully trust or even give a majority of our trust to someone, support networks just add more stress. Support networks seem to be counter productive for someone with trust issues. The goal is to reduce stress and to come to grips with the situation but instead it just introduces new stresses because while you are opening up you are wondering if you should be and what the other person is thinking. Its basically replacing one bad situation with another. How will I get through medical school without a support network? I don’t know but right now, I am not sure with my mindset they can make the journey any easier.